When I was young ..

Hello peeps . It been so long after update . Now is time to update again . This post might long . And a bit naggy . So , you can skipskip all you can . I'm going to say about when I was young .

I use to be a very dumb and ugly girl . People used me , bully me , make fun of me and push blame to me . I still can be friend with them . I , myself don't know why am I doing this . I don't know I got so that dumb . I yesterday night , didn't sleep well . My mind suddenly appear those past memories I have done . When I'm thinking about it . I feel that , I really so dumb . I so ugly , who will like me ? No one . I so dumb , who will teach me ? No . I survive all this by myself without anyone help . You can say , I been alone all times .

In kindergartner time , I always get scolded by teacher . Always get punish . I remember I always get bullied by this bad boy . He use my pencil , colour , marker , my things . And never return . So change table . At that table all ignore me . Cause they are those smart type . Teacher change me again . I forgot on what reason . I remember I bring my keychain . Teletubbies ♥ ! Omg , I love them . I don't know why . Haha , always afternoon will rush home and watch this show ^.^ Ohya , keychain . Beside me the friend beg me to lend him one day . He will return me . Another beside me is a girl . She also take . The next day , I want it back . Cause this toy is my uncle give me . They don't want return me . Yet beg me . Blahblah . I forgot already . I know I keep crying . I also don't know that I got get it back or not .

In primary school time , I always late . I got people to take care of me . I like to save money . I even burn my dad's money . This is called fate ? My mum say I and my dad totally enemy . I dislike him . My mum say , he most dote me . Like shit ! Who believe it . He didn't do his part of role . He didn't take care of this house before . All is my mum done it . She one mother carrying 3 children finding for food . I am the eldest . I save money . But my money always get lost , or stolen . How stupid am I right ? Lost already , I dare not tell my mum . Those amount is not just few dollars . I save until one 70 ~ 80 plus . Was save up to 100 soon . It take months for me to save that . Is really long . From primary one to four . My test always fail . I like to go out . Early morning at 6am , I wake up . Go downstairs , stare outside , look people , daydreaming . Where can I go ? No where . I slack until sun is out , I went back home watch tv . Until afternoon , help my mum do household ect. Every Saturday and Sunday , I will ride my bicycle around the place . I go far far places . But not so far . I scare I get lost . Whenever I lost , I always got a way to go home . I don't know why I can get the way . It so weird . Is like , the feeling of sense . Pretty cool uh ? My mum don't like me to ride bike . She say very dangerous .  I very tom-boyish . Haha ! :D Until primary four , is streaming exam . It will let you know you will in , in which stream . I fail . I cry . I make my mum disappointed .  I get scolded . Kneel down infront of god ? Erm , I don't know how to say that . I need to kneel down there for hours . Until mum chilled down . I am the only one make her angry . I somehow bring bad luck . A lot people dislike me . Cause I am stupid , ugly and naughty . So I decide , I will work hard . I in primary five . I eat all those bird nest , ect. Sleep regularly and often to boost my brain have enough to store those memory in . I keep study . Study all day long . My marks was like 10 times better ! I very happy that my maths improved a lot . Much much a lot . I always the last person in class . But after all those study and hard work I did . I get to 3rd place . Is very difficult for me . Cause my class got people even smarter than me . I can't get ti first . But I am happy that I am in third . I will take my snap shot of my result and show you again <: Wait I go home get .
Once graduate at primary school . All friends gone . But I didn't have much friends at that time .

In secondary school time . This is most dumb thing I ever done . Regret much . I care friends first instead myself . I care people yet not myself . I didn't take a look of myself . What am I doing . Friend say what , I follow . After school , I always go out with them . Play until 7 or 8pm than go home . My studies grade getting down . I have no interest to study anymore . What I want is to play . I want to have fun . I spend the most money also . Sec 3 . Got one teacher finally realize . And he told me . At this moment , I know why . I getting to wrong friend , I mixed with wrong friends . I get influence . When sec 4 , I tried my best . But , it still can't . I getting lazy . And tired . So exhausted . I getting up late . Even late . Stay up late either . I getting useless too . I can't work hard anymore . I feel sad . Every night I am crying . Cause I also in a relationship . Is first time get into relationship . I didn't know will affect my studies . Till holiday . I stay at home everyday . Play computer . My mum sell away the house . All is my aunt fault who ask my mum to sign that document . Otherwise it won't ended up like no place to stay !
Until I found a guy . Been cheated by once , twice , thrice . So I am giving up . Until a really what I want is appear . I never want to get into a relationship yet . But he touched my heart . I feel happy with him . He feed me and my family . He understand my family situation . He is really a good guy and still not mature yet . I and him keep break and together , break and together . Until I really give up . We been quite long . Never mind , I have to let go .

In ITE collage time . I still weak . Due to relationship problem . Less go to school . Until my first year June . After holiday . I met this guy . He is really very good guy . And kind . I simply like him not his looks , educational , or even status . He also don't mind where do I come from . He never ask much . A lot do like him . I got ask him choose those girls out there . He didn't . He back to me . I very happy . I go to school often just because of him (: My project , everything and grade is back again . I feel confidence . Until he graduate . And I in second year . I got problem with in this year . Friends all gone . Just because of one stupid mistake . Cannot say is my fault . But is really unfair . When I go home . Always quarrel with my boyfriend . And he really cannot take it . He ask me go home . I make myself drunk . I feel like dying . I really want to die . I hurt myself . Try to kill myself . But I feel the pain . I got no friends to talk about it . I keep it in my heart . Until few months . I promise to treat him good . So I did . I done it . Now I am a happy girl . I socialize with friend . I am trying to . But I don't want get misunderstood by people saying I fling around . I am not that type . But I must to have a friends . Friends go and come . You will never know who is the best . You can't lay on first person , there always second , third , forth and fifth ... or go on . Make less trouble . I am a very troublemaker . I just want those people to get that facts . Is nothing wrong to be straight forward . I know , IT WILL HURT FEELING . But , I don't want you to be so stupid . I don't say you , other people will . After all , I am happy . But life is bored .

I am jealous that people got things to do . Yet I staying at home doing nothing just keep using computer . I want get a job . But I always will get stressed . And I will feel quitting . You people might thinking , where do I have money right ? I got some saving . My blogshop ;D But now cannot already . Most of my customer want is lens . But lens cannot base on Singapore . How sad . Okay , I think let it go . Don't lock myself .

I want to save money to buy headphone that my boyfriend always wanted . But can I get before October ? Sigh ...

In this world , is very mean . When people ask for money to lend . I lend . I know I can't lend . But I got money . At least a little bit . I still lend . But people got money , why can't they lend me ? Yet can go out have fun spending their money away rather than lending to me . Unfair . But I can I do ? People money , I can't control . Than want me take knife point at you to force you give me ? No right ? No choice . They very selfish . Only care about themselves . But lucky , I still have a friend . But I and him is unrelated . He just only my online friend . When I need money , he can lend me . He didn't think that I will cheat his money or what . He just lend me . I feel that , this is great . I ask so many people in my contact list , none of them reply or lend me . They use excuse or lie to me . I now know , got this kind of friends , is useless . Cannot treat them good . Although they you longest friend you know . Find friend , find those really "jiang yi qi" . Than is worth friend . Don't care you know them or they know you how long . Main point is they willing to help you out or not . Agree right ? <:

Anyway , do visit my new website , themomostore.weebly.com . Selling clothes , bottom and bags . More item will update again ♥ I love you :3